How To Shorten Your Life By A Year

lots of things happen lately, makes me want to blog on serious stuff. by 'lots of things' , i mean fb-stalking, reading, eating, sleeping and pooping. oh, and dealing w/ gazillions of assignment. lets get serious-ing.

YOU COULD SHORTEN YOUR LIFE BY A YEAR IF YOU... 

1. Are 10 Pounds overweight. the newest way to check it is by measuring your neck. if it's under 37cm for man or under 34cm for woman, you're not overweight, say Israeli doctors. but if you have over 50 cm neck circumference, consult with yr doctor, because you're transforming into a giraffe.

heard rumor that she's getting fat. if she's fat. but she looks exactly fine to me

2. Don't Have a Pet. When heart doctors followed a group-of-heart-attack-sufferers,they found that having a dog, cat, or even goldfish increased their chance of being alive one year later by nearly five times. Healthy pet owners live longer too. if you currently dont have a pet, adopt your neighbor.

this is my sister's dog, Becky

3. Hang Out With Smokers. Passive smoking shortens your life - in fact, if you spend a night in a smoky room, it is estimated you inhale the equivalent of four cigarettes and each cigarette you smoke knocks out 11 minutes of your life. You do the math..so next time your bro wanna have a ciggie, ask him to smoke unfiltered exhaust fume instead.

Smoking is so UNCOOL

4. Neglect Your Dental Hygiene. According to Dr Micheal Roizen, author of Real Age, flossing your teeth reduces your risk of heart disease as the bacteria that causes gum disease also contributes to furring of the arteries. plus, your girlfriend might not wanna kiss you if you dont floss. this is fatal.

Ryan's camera friendly set of teeth

there is another simple way , suicide. but elaborating on that will take much time, and its hella messy w/ the dagger and shiny stuff. maybe next time. ciao

TUTORIAL : HOW TO DRESS UP AS GADDAFI FOR HALLOWEEN

if you think that you can stomach stale bread. think again...

you can stomach that?your mum must be proud of you. Lets move on to level 2,

You really are something. To be honest, i honestly think that he looks like Lionel Richie being gaga-fied. One of my friend posted his picture in twitter, and i thought it was the real lionel at first (if its not for that 'turban/loincloth/adult diapers/whatever it is'  on his head). 

Well, i am not alone.at least there is people in the same parallel universe, sharing the same eccentric eyeballs as mine (though im not proud of it)..

this is copied and pasted(unabashedly) from www.nj.com ---->

'Jersey Shore' on Jay Leno quiz bowl: Muammar Gaddafi = Lionel Richie; Cheney almost shot Bush over turkey

 By Vicki Hyman/The Star-Ledger 
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MTVMike "The Situation" Sorrentino turned out to the brains of "Jersey Shore," capturing the win in Jay Leno's "Battle of Celebrity All-Stars: Jersey Shore edition."

The "Jersey Shore" crew's domination of pop culture continues apace with an appearance byMike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Pauly Delvecchio on "Jay Leno" to compete in Leno's celebrity quiz bowl.

It came as no surprise to me that The Situation is the brains of the bunch. I mean, he came up with that nickname. He managed to score points by correctly identifying Joe Biden, Thomas Edison, and Pope Benedict XVI. "I'm going with five," he tells Leno." Bzzzz. "Seven." Bzzzz. "Nine?" Bzzz. "You're serious? Thirteen?" Bzzzz. "Get outta here."

Snooki couldn't identify Marconi, say where the United Nations was headquartered (but when given a couple of hints, offered up Albany), and thinks Dick Cheney almost shot Bush during that fateful quail hunt. Presented with a photo the Supreme Court justices, Pauly D mused that they had to be "big-time" because "they got nice shoes."

They all failed miserably on the New Jersey questions (including knowing who Ol' Blue Eyes was), which should come as no surprise BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE ACTUALLY FROM NEW JERSEY(though Mike did go to high school in Manasquan, so go Jersey public education).

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Yeah. i know rightttt.i dont know if you watch the show, but im not a fan of Jersey Shore. this is not even considered as my trashy guilty pleasure. now you know my weakness. i am sure you are planning of torturing me by locking me in a room with a big screen that airs Jersey Shore marathon. But, i like them personally. yes, you can roll your eyes all you want . they are human beings too (aside from that fake tanned..or STER*cough*OIDS..just sayin'). and they have that self-realisation to make self as tv and entertainment industry - friendly by being beefcakes and being an as*hole.

On the other hand, back to the one hand, your ultimate african grandeur,and hero of the year,(yes, i know your weakness) HIM, the man of the year. Hell hag cries, its time, its tiiiime (in a high pitched voice)! 

this is him before plastic surgery

by this time, the surgeon prolly had giving him flyers on rhinoplasty and chicken neck

     

By this time, that plastic surgeon sure is laughing his way to the bank

Im not gonna report on the Sub-Saharan issue or whatever it is that happening there. its too cliche and unfashionable (actually i dont want my house to be terrorized by random guerrila ala Counter Strike game). my point of the day is, Muammar Gaddafi has the uncanny resemblance of Lionel Richie. 

On the side note, i want to dress up as Gaddafi this Halloween. Dibs!!! 

TUTORIAL : HOW TO DRESS UP AS GADDAFI FOR HALLOWEEN

STEP 1. WEAR CHEESY OR CORNY OUTFIT. the trick is, pick any sleeping robe from your mum's wardrobe. it's vintage season now.  

or if you 're game enough, try to pull the look like this kid

STEP 2. WEAR YOUR BLING- BLING. The trick is to make yourself look like not yourself. you might wanna shower and scrub yourself with glitters. Trick : remember to put extra on the greasy part of your body -at the back of your ears,behind the knees and your sweaty,hairy armpits  

STEP 3. EAT ALL YOUR EXPIRED PRESCRIPTION, MEDICINE AND VIAGRA.  (OPTIONAL: detergent / your pee )In order to achieve that 'stiff-i-have-no-emotion-whatsoever-visage', you now have to up the game. beat all those roofied neighborhood hooligans.

STEP 4. DO NoT EXPRESS ANY EMOTION.i have to admit. this is hard. harder than that Angry Bird game. you have to raise the bar by doing extra research to google his expression in court. imitate it and practice in front of the mirror for optimum result. 

STEP 5. PRACTICE MORE.practice makes perfect.

STEP 6. WEAR DIAPERS OR GRANNY PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD (optional : adult diapers / banana leaves ). easy. wear any of your old frayed panties collection(to maximize the result, use the unwashed ones).The nastier, the better since you have more room for air ventilation to halt the production of dandruff on your scalp. i know you have that fetish of sniffin good old pair of panties.you, yes, YOU. all you need to do is, wrap your head with it. Trick : it must be done with love . stick bobby pins if necessary

nah, i know you want more option





pick any color of your choice. you might wanna wear all to achieve that 'colour-blocking' look.

this is hazard to the society. United Nations Peacekeeper might intervene.

STEP 7. SCARE ALL KIDS IN SIGHT.

Thats it for today. i are ze sleepeh and are ze zombified. MUST SLEEP.see you on Halloween. :D